Project Titan: Levi
by histrashexcellency
Summary: The success rate of becoming a titan shifter is narrow. Even then, there are chances of you losing yourself amidst the transformation. Unfortunately for Levi, things turned out for the worst. [ Implied eruri]


He reaches out briefly to him before he went under.  
Steely blue eyes the exact shade of the sky- a promise of freedom, filled with something Levi never could quite place his finger on, were steady and unflinching as they met his own gaze.

Erwin's touch is fleeting, but it runs deep, right down to his core.

Washes over like a breathe of fresh air in this stale piss drenched town, it's cage walls and scum infested people crawling over one another like vermin engaged in an eternal battle to survive. That's what humanity is, in it's essence, isn't it? Levi doesn't have the right to judge a person and determine if they are worthy or not, but what he does know that in each human being there is an inherent will. A need. A drive to survive. The hunger to go to whatever lengths just to fight for yet another day of life- he's like that too. The very same as those people.

But Erwin…Erwin's different somehow.

Perhaps it was in his way of persisting despite the amount of sacrifices they've had to make. Perhaps it was the way he always looked when he thinks no one could see him. Perhaps it was the way he remained drenched in light when his name, his being, his decisions were all dragged through the mud.

How he could bear time after time again to be the one to make that particular call- even when it brings nothing more than bloodshed. Or perhaps it might even be the fact that he is fully aware of who and what he was, what he's done. And how he doesn't plan to run away from it when all of it was said and done at the very end despite his weariness.

There was always something about Erwin that he could never figure out.  
That man has all the charisma of a demon, if Levi were to be frank. Influential, charismatic, dependable- he appears to be the perfect example of an alpha leader. With just a single word, he sends soldiers willingly to their deaths. He doesn't understand how the other was capable of all that and more. Only knows that before he was even self aware, he himself have been caught. Irrefutably, irreversibly caught in the same trap as the others.

He doesn't even know if he's angry at him for that. All he knows is that he wants to figure it out, what Erwin has and he doesn't.

All he knows is that he'll follow him down the ends of rivers, to the opposite side of the earth. Through blood and pain, through wretchedness and hurt. He'll follow. And that's probably why he finds himself arriving here of all places. That man is poison sweet and lethal. His fate has been sealed the moment their eyes met back in the days where he was still a wandering vagrant.

The leather straps cut slightly into skin as they were tightened so as to prevent any accidental flailing, the sudden constricting raising a defensive mechanism in reflex only tampered down with the solid steadying presence of his touch. Easy. Easy. They're not doing this to hurt him. This is important. This has to be done for the sake of humanity. They have to know. Knowledge is progress, and that's everything they need right now.

They are close enough, the way Erwin's got a grip on the side of his neck- an ever present reminder to get Levi to breathe as the constraints tightened further still. The heat from his palms were so warm, they feel as though they could burn him as they kneaded his shoulders, clasped them firmly- grounded him. He doesn't resist it. Doesn't resist or reject him.

Even after the preparations were done, his touch lingers a moment longer, fingers brushing against a cheek. For a passing moment, Levi entertained the merits of leaning subtly into his touch. But that would be greedy, and unprofessional. Emotional. Too messy and they can't afford that. Expressing his own emotions is something that Levi does not have the luxury of owning.

But his eyes does not leave the other's as the cold steel of the needle rests bitingly against flesh and slowly sunk into the depths of his skin.

The effect was instantaneous.

Scorching singeing fire through his ice veins- burn burn burning from the inside out. Light. White hot engulfing his vision, blurring distorting as the pain increases and tears him inside out. Tears and scrapes and pulls apart. Throat and movement seizes as his head is wrenched open by thousands of invisible clutching fingers. Suffocating. Buried in a mass of burning flesh and he can't breathe can;t breathe can't breathe. He's only dimly aware of the choked strangled noises escaping him and it's awful. It's awful and it hurts make it stop make it stop make it stop make it st—-

He's greeted with the off white of the ceiling when he finally wakes from what appeared to be a godawful nightmare. Reality kicks in much later when he realises the disgusting taste in his mouth is blood. Did he bite through his own lip? Doesn't feel so. Every limb in his body ached fiercely as he sat up, head reeling. There are hands push push pushing gently, insistently through the hazy fog and he lets himself be guided down, working hard to keep nausea at bait. His head is spinning and he cannot seem to focus. There are people talking to him- fleshy blobs speaking in petal soft voices. He can't focus can't focus say something talk. Talk. ta—hn?

The volume swells, agitated. Brows furrowed as the raven haired man attempts to focus. Snatches at the various network of voices and latch onto the one that sounded the most familiar.

"Levi. Levi, can you hear me? Can you talk?"

Answer. Come on answer yes yes yes I can hear you, shitty glasses you're talking loud enough to wake everyone in the vicinity I can hear you I'm not deaf-

"Es. Yeush."

The crack in his voice indicated disuse. How long was he out? Why can't he seem to remember anything? Water was raised to his lips. He takes grateful gulps, sips in as much as he could, trying not to remember the awful taste at the back of his throat. His vision is slow in clearing but as the drapes are covered and dimness covers the room like a security blanket, it returns to him gradually. He makes out their faces then. Shitty Glasses, that Mob…morbid? Whoever fellow that she's always giving heart attacks to…a few other familiar faces. One missing.

"Where's Erwin?"

The hush that fell did not serve to quell the strange foreboding in him. And as the silence dragged on, the tension increased. Unease prompts him fully into wakefulness as he struggles to sit up again, demanding.

"What's going on? All collectively lost your memory or some-"

"He's dead."

She cuts in abruptly, brows furrowed and biting at her lips like she's going to cry. Something Shitty Glasses hasn't done for a very long time. The impact of the words hit like a sack of bricks to his midriff, and Levi forgets to breathe again.

It was a moment before he could muster up enough senses to speak, mind reeling with furious thoughts. It's impossible. How could he have died? And this sudden? What's going on? Did something…did he? Levi was brought out of his own dwellings with a confirmation. A single phrase he would have given everything to erase out of his memory and pretend nothing happened. A single phrase that has everything crumbling down in a split second.

Her voice held tremors as she quietly broke the news. To her credit, Squad Leader Hanji Zoe faced the truth with the firmness of a soldier despite the concern and grief writ plainly in her features.

"You…lost yourself and ate them- We only just barely got you back. And-"

It all comes back to him then.

The pain and the fear. The morphing. The crunch of bones between his teeth and the tangy taste of blood. The cries and screams. The pleading. The hurt. Buildings crumbling like a tower of pebbles beneath his feet and arms.

And him.

Trying so desperately to get through even when he's in his grip. Still believing that Levi would pull through at the very end even when he's breaking apart from the middle like a toy with it's stuffing pouring out. Him yelling at the rest to retreat at the very end. The pallor of his face, the corners of his lips twisted into a grimace-smile. His voice. Blood. Blood soaking his hands and everywhere so much blood all that blood.

He failed.

The experiment was a failure and Erwin is gone.

And-

Shitty Glasses is telling him to breathe but she doesn't understand.  
How can he breathe when there's no longer any air?


End file.
